The shock waves are still reverberating across my mind and through my heart. If someone were to place their hand on me I imagine there would be shock waves radiating from me. Kind of like when you put your hand on a window while a train is passing nearby. You feel the movement of the glass as it vibrates but does not give way. This was another one of “those” visits with my mom.
My one sister was away with her family when the day came to bring my mom to her “new” home and so she hadn’t yet been to see her. Another sister and I arranged to accompany my sister and her husband. I had just gotten through my spiel on how easy it was to come and visit her as we opened the door into the unit.
I couldn’t see her at first, but I could hear her voice talking loudly. I went in a little further and was initially shocked, and later horrified, to find her in the far corner of the room, facing the corner, in a wheel chair and talking loudly to a tall plant. Once I shook off the initial shock, I hurried over to her and greeted her, turning her around to face everyone. We sat down on the nearby couches and attempted to have a visit with her. This was one of the times I would describe her as being “out of it.” She would stare at each one of us as if she wasn’t too sure who we were or maybe she was looking right through us and seeing someone else entirely. Either way it was freaky and disconcerting in the least.
Eventually we convinced her to take us to her room to show it off. She did not want to go down there as she thought we were there to take her home. We managed to persuade her and made it to her room. Once there, awkward conversation continued with her telling a range of nonsensical stories. She then needed to use the washroom and so I attempted to help her into the washroom and out of her wheel chair to use the facilities. She refused to get out of the wheelchair. I gave her suggestion upon suggestion and just became more and more frustrated with her lack of cooperation. I pushed the “red button” and waited to see what happened. A nurse responded fairly quickly and told us that they have been using the lift on mom to get her out of her chair and onto the toilet. Albeit another shock that she was this immobile already, I was reassured to see that the lift was very gentle and effective.
It’s been only 10 days and already she is dependent on a wheel chair, is talking to people who are not present in reality and must use a lift for bathroom duties. This was all very upsetting and the reverberations are being felt days later. How many reverberations can a stained glass window take until it cracks or shatters? How many reverberations will my heart withstand?